Happy Women's Day, People

 "I want to become the CEO of this company," I said on the first day of my training with TCS — the first day of my career. That is how ambitious I was. Talking about ambition, I have had multiple ambitions from a very young age.

When I was 2.5 years old, I used to take a suitcase and go out of the house saying that I was going to the office. Because my dad, who seemed to be the supreme power at home, went to the office.

This ambition lasted until I was enrolled in school. When I went to school, I saw everyone listening to the teachers. We had to sit when they asked us to sit and stand when they asked us to stand. My mom was a teacher in the same school, and everyone greeted her — including parents. My dad had to wait to pick me up until the teacher said I could go.

I realized teachers had more power than those who went to the "office." So at 3 years old, I wanted to become a teacher. I would put a shawl like a saree and write with chalk on the cupboards, even take my mom's red pen and aimlessly put a tick mark on all the newspapers and magazines, pretending to correct the pages like a teacher.

This ambition lasted only until I fell sick. My mom took me to a clinic to meet a doctor, and we had to wait for an hour for our token to be called out. My mom, who is a teacher, waited so long to meet the doctor. And the way the doctor spoke to my mom made me feel that doctors are more authoritative than teachers. So I wanted to become a doctor.

Then as the years passed, I wanted to become an astronaut, a hotel owner, a Collector, a lawyer, and even the Chief Minister of the state. All this, until reality hit me.

To become something, it's not enough if you dream. Board exam results — the marks you score — are also important. So, all that my marks could afford for me was a seat in an engineering college to become a software engineer. As I proceeded with the course, I fell in love with computers and software engineering and started my career as a developer. I also started writing books and publishing them in parallel.

After almost a decade of experience, I had to take up a role no one trained me for. It came to me accidentally. Nah, it was more planned, I'd say.

I am not talking about becoming a published author. I am talking about becoming a mother.

My ambitions started taking a back seat, and all I wanted to do was to become the best mother in the world — do everything I can for my son. I wasn't ready to be mediocre at work — you can check my track record; I have always tried to excel at what I do.

At one point, I couldn't handle both as my son's need for me grew more and more. So I quit my job in October. UiPath is the most amazing company a woman can work for — I swear. The best team, the best flexibility, the best boss — but still I couldn't manage, and I thought it was best to take a break from work.

That's when an identity crisis hit me hard. People did not introduce me anymore as "Ganga, Program Manager at UiPath" or "Ganga, the writer." They started calling me "Adith's mom."

That became my only identity, and to be honest, that's the only thing I was doing — being his mom. I still doubt if some people at his school or at the park even know my name is Ganga.

I decided I will look beyond being his mom — because it suddenly felt like I had lost myself. I really enjoyed being his mom, doing things with him, but what am I beyond that?

I had published six novels in the past (not popular enough for people to recognize me for them), but it served at least as an identity back then. But how long can I cling on to what I had done years and years ago?

I started writing again. This time, writing wasn't a hobby. It became my identity. I read a lot, researched a lot.

And today, if someone asks me who I am, I will proudly say — I am Author Ganga.

I have published six books in the past, and I have a very good book written and pending final review with a big-name publisher. I don't even know if the publisher will approve it in the final stage. I don't even know if I will approach any other publishers or self-publish.

But I have a book that's actively in the pipeline for publishing, and that's my identity.

So, women and girls — if you have the opportunity to create an identity of your own and not just be someone's something — hold on to it tightly. I am not saying to get burnt out or take the stress when you can't balance work and life — all I am saying is have an identity of your own.

It could be a small thing too, with the limited time you have after doing things for your family. I am not saying this because I am better than any of you. I am saying this because I am no different from any of you.

And men and boys, help the women around you — mom, sister, wife, coworker, girlfriend. Because for men, identity is a mandatory thing. I am not belittling men's struggles. They have their own.

But it's easy and convenient for a woman to give up her identity for family. But it's not easy for them to live with it. They burn inside.

I am not saying this because men need someone to be told. I am saying this because I have the best men in my life — supporting my dreams, passion, and helping me build my identity.

Happy Women's Day, people.