Is there a way to get rid of smells?
Smell is something that, ones born, spreads by its own without requiring any human effort. The ways we can control the spread of smell is blocking the path it spears, suppressing it with some other odor or prevent the smell from being born from its source.
So what happens when we encounter a smelly person in our day to day lives? We tend to follow the same three techniques: Blocking, suppressing or preventing. Let’s look at step by step procedure to follow under each of these two categories in order to handle the smelly bellies.
Too Technical terms used:
Smellable radius: the area around you where, if someone smelly stands, the smell reaches your nostrils.
Smelly: A person who smells bad.
Smelly occasion: A condition where the smelly is inside the smellable radius.
Step 1: Learn swimming, singing or yoga which helps you practice breath control.
Step 2: When someone smelly reaches your smellable radius, use the practice of breath control you have done and stop inhaling for few seconds; contain the corbon di oxide inside your lung.
Warning: You can breathe out as much as you want but don’t breathe in.
Step 3: The moment the smelly person leaves the smellable radius, breathe in as much as you want.
Caution: Use this technique only if you are sure that the smelly will leave the radius in a few seconds.
1. You might lose your job if your boss calls you between step 2 and step 3. Because you might not be able to speak during step 2.
2. You might die if the smelly doesn’t leave the radius and you prolong step 2.
Step 1: Buy the clips sold in market used to dry clothes.
Warning: If the smelly is of some value to you, say your girlfriend, buy fancy clips like in the photo. Else the nose will be deformed forever. Be careful.
Step2: place the clip in an easy-to-pick location in a bag that you carry.
Step3: The moment Smelly occasion occurs, pick the clip and put it on your nose.
Caution: Use this technique only if you are sure that the smelly will leave the radius in a few minutes.
1. You might die if the smelly doesn’t leave the radius and you prolong step 2.
2. You might have a permanent dark mark on your nose, if the grip of the clip is too tight.
Step 1: Buy a small oxygen cylinder with an oxygen mask.
Warning: Don’t place any fire producing items like matchbox, lighter along.
Step2: Have it handy
Step3: When the smelly occasion occurs, pick the mask, place it hard on your face and breath.
Caution: Please use your mask before doing it for the person you are escorting.
1. You might not find these oxygen masks in normal medical shops and have to steal it form hospitals. This might take you to jail. In any case out of the smelly person’s odor.
2. You might have to look for some other blog post that tells you how to deal with a severe back ache as carrying the cylinder might dislocate your shoulders forever.
Step 1: store cold water, lot of ice creams in fridge
Step2: Eat as many ice creams as possible the night before the smelly occasion
Step3: get wet in rain or wash your hair and tie it tight for the entire day. This must be done a day before the smelly occasion.
Caution: This might make you numb to good smells also. Sometimes even taste
1. High fever
2. Exhaustion of sick leaves
3. In severe cases, even death.
The above technique helps you catch cold. This will, eventually, block your nose and make you unfit for smelling anything. So you won’t be able to smell the smelly. Be happy.
If you are too immune and find it difficult to catch cold, relax. We still have a technique in the suppression category for this.
Step 1: Disturb your nostril with a piece of paper, made into a sharp tip.
Warning: Don’t replace paper with any other material other than clothe.
Step2: Step 1 will make you Sneeze in front of the smelly a few times.
Step3: Fake a few coughs in front of the smelly
Step 4: Take out your inhaler and inhale till the smelly occasion vanishes.
Step 5: If step 4 doesn’t solve the problem, apply some vapour rub on your nose so that the smell of it blocks any other smell from entering your respiratory system.
Note: The first three steps are just to play safe. Directly jumping to step 4 might hurt the feelings of the smelly.
1. You might have to take sick leave the next day if the smelly is your boss.
2. Inhaling the inhaler too much can make blood flow through your nose.
You might get addicted to the vapour rub and spend your entire salary buying cans of it.
Step 1: Smell all the shampoos in the supermarket and buy the one that smells more and smells the best.
Warning: You might be thrown out of the supermarket if you open ceiled shampoos and smell.
Step2: When the smelly occasion occurs, pull your hair from behind and start smelling it till the smelly leaves the radius.
Note: This might not be applicable for most males as they have short hair. But they could buy such shampoos for their wives and girlfriends and always hang out only with them beside.
1. People will brand you weird for smelling your hair now and then.
2. If the pressure you apply to pull your hair to your nose is high you might lose your hair very soon.
Step 1: Buy kerchiefs and get used to carrying one along with you.
Step2: Spray some perfume in the kerchief
Step3: When the smelly occasion occurs, place your kerchief on your nose and smell it in a way it suppresses the foul smell of the smelly.
1. Make sure the kerchief is washed regularly. If not, it might lead to you fainting the moment you smell it.
Step 1: Carry some fruit or food to eat.
Step2: When the smelly nears you, pick your lunch box or the fruit and claim to be too hungry
Step3: smell the food and pretend like you are enjoying the smell of the food
Caution: If the stench of the smelly is too much you might not want to eat, discard the box and starve throughout.
1. If the smelly occasion occurs too many times a day then there is a risk of gaining too much weight.
2. Smelling the food too much when there is a strong stench might make you hate food, eventually, making you think and weak.
Step 1: Go Green.
Step2: Have some small flowering plants in your desk.
Step3: When the smelly approaches, start admiring the flowers and secretly smell the flower till the smelly leaves.
Note: This technique can become a portable one by wearing real flowers as jewelry.
Go Green techniques are usually risk free.
Step 1: Have scented candles reachable with lighter or matchbox readily available.
Step2: When the smelly occasion occurs, remove the fuse carrier of the building without anyone’s knowledge.
Step3: Light the scented candles making it look like you had lit it up for light and not to suppress the smelly’s smell.
1. Touching some electric wires or getting in contact with electricity if you are not a pro in fuse removal.
2. Getting hit while returning back after fuse removal.
Step 1: Have the pain relief balms and gels handy.
Step2: When the smelly occasion occurs act like you have head ache or join pain
Step3: pick up any of the types in the photo, smell it till the smelly goes.
Same as technique 5.
Step 1: Wait till the smelly enters the room to make sure the smelly smells bad today too.
Step2: If yes, take the room freshener and spray it all over the room with your fingers on your nose if the person can be hurt. This might make them leave the room if they realize they smell bad.
1. You might faint if you keep spraying the room freshener
2. You might want to leave the room yourself at one point. So no point in doing this in excess, you leave along with the smelly.
Step 1: When the smelly occasion occurs, tell the person you got to pray.
Warning: If it is untime, like late in the night, you will have to support your action with valid reasons blaming your astrologer.
Step2: light some incense all around the room.
Step3: It’s not a bad idea to pray God to make the smelly understands how bad he/she smells.
God will take care of the risks. When the technique involves God, you can blindly follow it just like we follow most of the customs.
Step 1: Gift the person a bathing set which is way too expensive. Their love for you or their value for money might make them bath daily, at least, till the gift lasts.
1. Some people might have the costly stuffs safe without using it. (What’s the point in saving a costly apple till it rots?) so you might fail with this technique with those people and lose money unwantedly.
2. You might have to regularly buy stuffs for the smelly to bath, all through your life, spending all your salary.
Step 1: if the smelly stays with you are if you have access to their bathroom, place some surprise gifts in their bathroom.
Step 2: Decorate their bathroom in a way they like.
This might motivate them to visit their bathrooms often and eventually, make them like the place. Finally, all this leading to them bathing everyday.
1. They might get addicted to the bathroom and live the rest of their lives there.
2. The smelly might just pick the gifts and forget about taking bath immersed in the surprise.
Only Step: Just tell her/him that he/she smells really bad and he/she needs to bath everyday.
Nothing. Just go ahead, tell the smelly near you and see what happens.
The picture below doesn’t have any connection to the risk of this technique. Just go ahead.