Saturday, January 31, 2015

            People are talking a lot about valentine's day already. We are just 14 days away from THE DAY. All the shops are loaded with stuff toys, chocolates and everything else with a heart shaped something attached to it. So much spoken about the fun, gifts and proposal ideas for valentine's day people forget to talk about how to retain the relationship that you are already in and how to remain happy in an already established relationship. This post is my view on different rough patches that most of the relationships go through.

            Love happens like magic, we fall in love and get into a beautiful relationship. But as time passes by, we start having heated arguments and trivial things. Why does this happen? Is it because the love slowly starts vanishing? or is it because the attraction factor from the relationship fades away? Not both. In most cases we assume that the arguments crop up and the fights make us cry because we are out of love. The truth is we don't think logically when it's about relationship. We don't have to blame ourselves for this. Movies have constantly tried to make us believe that love is logic less so we can conveniently point our fingers at them.

            Start thinking practically and apply some logic to any problem that crops up between you and your partner. First practical approach to avoid tears is to understand the basic personality of each other. Say for example, you are too expressive and you keep telling your partner how much you love him/her. Say, you are comfortable with public display of love- in the sense sharing couple photos on the internet, commenting about how much you love your partner on facebook. You might be comfortable mingling with strangers and a very outspoken person. This means that you are an extrovert. Your partner might not be the same. He/she might not tell you how much they love you, they won't easily talk to the friends of yours you introduce to them, they won't like to tell the world how much they love you or post photographs on a social networking site. Your partner might not even try to surprise you like you do for them. This means that your partner is an introvert. So understand the basic nature of eachother.

            People say that a happy couple is the one with highest understanding. But if you stop with understanding the difference, you are still in trouble. You got to accept what you have understood and what is true.
            Let me explain with a story quoting the scenarios that might have happened in most of our lives. Adam and Eve are lovers. Eve is an extrovert and Adam an introvert. Let's see what happens.

            Eve: Why aren't you messaging me often these days? Are you bored of me?
            Adam: No. I prefer talking in person. Moreover when we talk I tell you all that happens in my       day so what's left for messages?
            Eve: But I message you right?
            Adam: What do you message? You randomly send I love you and smileys.
            Eve: So those are not important to you?
            Adam: Don't you know how much I love you? Should I have to tell you?
            Eve: How will I know without you expressing it? Can't you see the difference? How much I             express my love.

            This happens to most of my friends, too. This is nothing wrong. Most extrovert partners assume the inexpressive nature of their lover to be the cause of insufficient love for them. What you need to understand is that an introvert remains one no matter what. He/she might try to meet your expectation but he/she is certainly not liking what they are doing against their basic nature. So, if your partner doesn't talk much to you like your friend's partner does, don't assume it to be a break up alert. It's only because that's who they are. Don't penalize them for not getting you gifts on special days, they might get you want you want any day. Don't force them to surprise you just because someone else you know is surprising their partner. If you want your partner to be just like you, there will be no fun in life. IF you try to change yourself just like your partner then it's again no fun to live together. Haven't you heard? Opposites attract; likes repel.

            So if you are expecting your spouse to be just like how you expect and not like who they really are, you are the one who lack love for the other. Accept people how they are. Love is love even when it is not said out loud. When an extrovert tells a hundred "I love you" a day it doesn't mean he/she loves more than an introvert who doesn't expresses the love with words.

            If every tomorrow is like how you expect, all of us will wait for the day of death, life will be so boring. So don't try to program your partner like how you expect them to be. LEt them be themselves and you be yourself.

            Guys, life is too short to fight and argue. Have fun trying to understand each other's nature and try to accept the reality.

            Lastly, don't compare your love life with the one shown in movie. The heroes in movies are paid in lakhs to do what they do to make you like the scene. Every love scene is scripted and refined. So, don't you dream of getting a boy friend/ girl friend like the one you see in movies and please don't force your partner to be like one. Your life is a better script than any movie because movies can be edited, rewound, paused and played but life can't be.

So, the next time you don't receive as many messages or calls from your partner as you expect, stop assuming. There is love in every silence, too. 

Have fun! Cheers!

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